Have you by chance received the traditional welcome pamphlet? I gives a fairly well-rounded explanation of this town and the ridiculous sense of humor it likes to think it has.

[Even if you have, Tarvek, he's kind of obligated to advertise. That pamphlet is put together by Dist, who was basically his first-ever Mayfield friend acquaintance.]

If you wouldn't mind, however, I have some questions for you. Namely, what was happening, exactly, before you found yourself here -- and what was the date. I have lately begun to suspect that time here is utterly unrelated to time elsewhere, and your information on the subject could prove useful.